At 34 weeks pregnant my body is starting to really slow down. I just can’t keep the same pace I could a few weeks ago. Malone and I still go off on daily adventures but I find myself sitting on the sidelines more and more.
I’m stuck in the middle of life. In a few weeks, our whole world is going to change again when little lady makes her big debut. The past life of a mama to just one going to be gone. The future will be here. But for now, I’m right in the middle of present. I can see ahead a little bit and guess about how things will be. And when I do so, I mourn for where I currently am in the present. Mama to one. Focused just on Malone. Does that make any sense?
I’m trying to really savor these last few weeks. To drink in every little nuance and detail of the babyhood I can still see in Malone. To read the same book over and over again because it makes him laugh so hard. He thinks it is “mysterical.” To try to carry him, even though I shouldn’t be- for soon my arms will be full with someone new who can’t walk on their own. To invite him in for an extra cuddle in my arms, even though my bump is getting in the way. To get down on the floor and really play with him, even though I feel like I need a forklift to help me get back up.
I know that in just a few weeks he is going to seem oh so big. And that he’s going to have to be big. Because there is a little coming soon who is going to change our family for the better. The growth will be painful at times I’m sure.
But for now, I’m going to focus on our happy little present.