Face it, motherhood is full of funny stories about messy life. Here’s a look at some of my finest thus far.

10. Does this poop look like peanut butter? (Said to a new mother friend upon first meeting them).

9. Malone, I don’t think Spiderman has a vagina.

8. I have approximately an hour and a half before he’ll need to nurse again. Need chocolate and a cry. Meet me in 15. Usually spot- Target aisle 9.

7. Papa, do you really think it is a good idea to climb aboard this freight train without anyone around? Isn’t that breaking and entering? Papa’s response- It isn’t breaking and entering, the door is unlocked.. so really it is just entering.

6. Malone, please do not lick the floor (eat sand, eat sticks, etc).

5. Malone, please don’t shove that marble up your nose!

4. Malone cat food is for cats, not people.

3. Babe, you clean up the vomit. I’ll clean up the poo.

2. Malone, the cat doesn’t want to wear your gold medal.

1. I can’t believe I only had enough time to shave half of one leg before he wanted to nurse again!

How about you? What has come out of your mouth lately?