I took some time to have a coffee date with a friend this morning to catch up on life. It had been a long time since we had had some face time.
We started out just catching up on the comings and goings of our world. But It wasn’t long before I opened up about something that had happened over a month ago. I thought I was “over it.” But as it turns out, I wasn’t.
I was brave because he is safe. So safe that if something ever happened to Mike and I, he and his partner would be on our short list for guardianship of Malone.
“But that same old insecurity creeps back in. And suddenly it is like I am in high school again wanting so desperately to be a member of the “in” crowd. Or ANY crowd for that matter. And those same ugly thoughts reemerge- I’m not pretty enough. I’m not skinny enough. I am not smart enough. I am not enough”
Lies. I knew they were ugly lies as soon as I spoke the words.
The wisdom my friend gave was perfect.
“I’ve been there darling” he said. “And I know it hurts. It wasn’t intentional. I’m sure of it.” He went on to give in more detail what really happened. He was right. I know it wasn’t on purpose. We spoke about it for a few more minutes before we moved on to something else.
But there was more to be said later via email.
“I wanted to reiterate something. Mainly because I know how it feels and I never want you to feel slighted. Always remember that we are a nice big family here and your team is a vital part of that.”
It brought tears to my eyes. Happy happy tears that reminded me again that I am part of the “crowd”.
I feel like a little bit of weight has been lifted off of my shoulders today. Getting it out and having my thoughts heard instead of brushed aside is just what I needed. I do belong. And I’m thankful to be blessed with both- a family by birth and a family by choice
When is the last time you shared your heart with a friend? Do you have someone you can be brave with?
I’m linking up today with Shell’s Things I Can’t Say.