I am supposed to be doing the dishes right now, but while I was scrubbing crusted on spaghetti sauce from Monday night’s dinner I realized some things about myself.
Here they are in no particular order.
1. Scrubbing old dishes sucks. If I am too tired at 6:00 pm to do the dishes from that night’s meal, our life is too busy.
2. I need to apologize for something I’m not even 100% sure a friend knows I did. I didn’t sleep with her husband, I didn’t run over her cat, and I didn’t steal from or lie to her. But nevertheless, it is complicated and messy.
3. I also need to let a friendship go. Our lives are going different directions. We have things in common, but not enough for me make the continued effort as I have in the past. I’ve got friends that I don’t always see or talk to but when we get together we pick right back up where we last left off. But with this friend it just seems awkward and forced. I thought I’d be sadder about this, but letting go is exactly what I need.
4. I’m not giving this space the attention that I want to. I have big dreams that are not going to happen in the very little time I spend here. I need a plan of action, goals, and to spend more time here. Writing. Networking. Working on my voice.
5. I have not been the parent I want to be lately. Malone and I have been butting heads, battling over stupid stuff, and just generally not getting along. I thought it was him, but really it is me. He follows my lead. I have been stubborn, rigid, and unreasonable. No wonder he has been too. OUCH. Time to read Playful Parenting again.
6. I am such a better person to be around when I get up an hour before my family to enjoy a quiet house. This hasn’t been happening lately and I am really feeling the effects of it.
7. Someone I care about recently unfriended on Facebook. I’m sure it probably happened the day that I took a stand in support of gay marriage. I WAS pretty intense that day because it is an issue I deeply care about it. I am adamant that one can be a Christian and support gay marriage. It bothers me that instead of engaging with me about the topic I was flat out unfriended.
There you have it. It is amazing what comes up to the surface when I allow it to.
What are you keeping tucked away? How often do you let your truths come out?
After all, the truth will set you free.
Straight to the heart. I am not ready to face some things yet and I hope it works out for you in the end. Though I feel the parent thing and made a conscious decision when I woke up this morning to take a different approach.
Sarah recently posted..Where Mess and Sensory Play Meet Hand In Hand
You are very brave to put that all out there. Faults and all. On outgrowing a friendship thing, you may have many more times of that as the years go by. You may already realize this, but life changes for both of you and sometimes in opposite directions and interests. Thats ok. I think you are doing the right thing by not forcing it. Just move on to spend more quality time with the friends you have.
Oops, not done yet…and to the friend that unfriended you….shame on them.
Lots. Of painful truths there. Good for you.
I’m so with you on #3. I’m in the same spot with a friend and I’m dreadding getting together with her, it just feels so forced and my feelings have been hurt and I’m done trying.
Julia recently posted..Slow Ride
It’s hard sometimes to be the “parent you want to be,” because that doesn’t always jibe with who you really are, as a person. To work on yourself as a parent, you have to work on yourself as a person, and sometimes, that means taking a time-out for yourself. It’s perfectly okay to tell your child, “Mommy needs some alone time. Please go play (or watch TV or whatever) for 15 minutes.” (I’m using the collective YOU here, not the You YOU. LOL). Hang in there and don’t be so hard on yourself.
Nancy recently posted..Keeping It Real, In the Kitchen
It’s good to do a check in with ourselves every now and again and see what we’re really thinking!
Shell recently posted..Transformers Beast Hunters Review and Giveaway
bravo to you, I most connect with being the parent I want to be. Its a tough thing to constructively criticize yourself especially when it comes to parenthood.
Kathy Kitzmiller recently posted..Saturday Session – Our Journey To Home School Chapter One
This is a great post! There’s nothing wrong with thinking about all the things that you need to sort out in your life. This will help declutter your head and help you feel better. As for #7, the best advice I can give you is to just let it go. You have your opinions and others have theirs. If that person isn’t willing to engage in a conversation that is rational than there is no reason for you to stress about it or feel bad about it. You are entitled to your opinions…and good for you for taking a stand…and others are entitled to theirs.
Paulin recently posted..Health Benefits of Coffee
Facing the truths head-on is a good way to make things better, right?
Sorry about the unfriending. People should just agree to disagree, why unfriend? So harsh.
Alison recently posted..Old School Blogging: The Marriage Edition