I have been a people pleaser and perfectionist my entire life. My issues stem from childhood. I was a competitive gymnast. In a sport where part of the competition includes judging a routine, it was really easy to get caught up in the numbers. My approval and self worth were wrapped up in scores from people who didn’t know my name and didn’t see the behind the scenes work happening. And that work? Let me tell you, it was hard work.
These days, more frequently than I’d care to admit, I’m still wrapped up in performing for the approval of others. Blogging is funny like that. I can say that the numbers don’t matter until I am blue in the face. But deep down, on some level they do matter to me. I want to be liked.
On top of that, I thrive on praise. My hunger is insatiable. So I bite off more than I can chew and over extend myself. It leaves me stressed out and takes away time from my family.
I recently had the chance to read Love Idol by Jennifer Dukes Lee. I received a copy of the book in exchange for my honest review from her publisher, Tyndale House.
I was terrified to read this book for weeks because I knew that I struggled performing for others. I kept walking by it until the day came when I finally got brave enough to read it. This review is being written under the wire. It is due today, 5/30/14. I am just now writing it.
Jennifer’s story is one that most women will be able to relate to. Her story is one part memoir and two parts God rocking her world. Jennifer Dukes Lee is a master painter using words instead of a paint as she takes the reader along for the ride as she wrestles for her need for approval from others to finding approval from the Lord above all else.
While I read about God slowly changing Jennifer Duke Lee’s heart, mine also shifted. The Lord spoke to me through Jennifer’s story. There isn’t a single page on my book that isn’t highlighted or marked with notes.
As a blogger, it is something I have to give to Him everyday. I live and breathe in a world based on instant gratification and approval that comes in likes, retweets, and comments.
It isn’t easy to let go of the need for approval. My flesh craves it. My heart is learning to remember that I am preapproved in the eyes of the Lord. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. And He loves me much. He is the ultimate retweeter, status update liker, and blog commenter.
There isn’t anything I can do or say that will make Him love me anymore or any less.
If you are thinking about reading Love Idol, I would highly recommend it to you. If you’re terrified at the thought of reading it, there is likely a good reason to.