Dear Malone,

Your little sister’s arrival is just days away. We don’t know when she’s coming but we know it is soon. I’m 38.5 weeks pregnant. I kiss you goodnight every night, wondering if the day was our very last day of just the two of us.

For the past four years, you have been the center of my universe. I’m nervous that you’ll feel like you’re getting the shaft after she’s here. But this is all for you babe. All for you. And in a way, all for her too. I know how lonely it is to grow up without a sibling and I don’t want that for you. The two of you will have a shared history as you grow and someone to lean on as you get older. Something that I, as an only child do not have.

You’ve been sticking extra close to me lately. I can tell you’re nervous and scared. I can’t leave the house to run an errand with extra hugs and kisses from you. I can tell that you know things are going to change. And I know things are going to change too. But I don’t know how. I don’t have the answers. This is going to be a new adventure for our family. That much I do know.  It probably will be painful- but growth always is, my love.

This morning you asked if we could have an extra cuddle on my bed. While we were laying there curled up together, you finally felt safe enough to let your feelings out.

“I don’t want her to come yet,” you said. “I’m really enjoying these last few days of just the two of us.” Such wisdom, coming from four year old you.

It broke my heart to hear those words because I feel the same way. My belly is heavy and my body is weak from carrying your sister around. My back constantly hurts. But I’m trying my best to make the most of our time together. And when you ask me to pick you up, I do it.

I want you to know that no matter what, there is room for you. Your soon to be born baby sister might take up my arms or my lap. But you always have a space next to me, near me, and in my heart.