It happened to me. I’ve read about it happening to other bloggers because they were brave enough to write about it.
Instead of celebrating someone else’s recent success, I felt badly about myself and where I am on my blogging journey.
It happened over and over and over again last week. A blogger I admire signed an ebook deal. Another wrote a post that went viral. I learned that a friend who’s only been blogging for a few months has upwards of 5,000 page views a day, which is more than I get in a month. I joined a few new social networks, found my friends, and realized I have a lot of work to do to “catch up.” It seemed as though the more time I was online in the blogging community, the unhappier I became.
It made me unfocused. I came to the computer to write, but instead found myself cruising Facebook.
It was bad, y’all. BAD.
My kids are still babies at 4 years old and 12 weeks. I don’t have time to invest in something that makes me unhappy. I also do not have a second of time in my day to waste. I need to make every minute of my day matter with intentional tasks.
I needed to get to the root of why something I loved was causing so much upheaval in my world. It only took a few seconds to figure it out.
Comparison.
What an ugly word. I had let it steal my joy. I got caught up hard and fast in what others were up to, instead of focusing on what I was doing.
So where do I go from here?
Malone and I were reading a book at the library when we discovered why horses wear blinders.
- Race horses wear blinders to keep them focused on what is ahead.
- Farming horses wear blinders to keep them from being distracted from everything else around them while they work.
I’ve decided I’m blogging like a horse wearing blinders.
Just like in life, everyone’s blogging journey is different. I am no where near where I was a year ago when I first started A Cookie Before Dinner. I adore blogging and everything about it- the community, the creative side, and learning the business side. There isn’t any part of this that feels like “work” so I know I’m in the right spot.
I choose to celebrate the success of my friends. But I’m also choosing to work hard to stay focused on my goals. The goals I have for this blog, for my family, and for myself.
When I come the the computer, it will be with intention. If I fall down the rabbit hole of Pinterest or Facebook, it will be because I’ve set aside time to be there. Not because I’m bored.
I can’t let comparison steal my joy again.
I’ve got my blinders on y’all.
I realize today’s post is about blogging, but the overall theme is universal. What is the biggest time thief in your life? What do you let steal your joy? Let’s keep this conversation going in the comments below.
I’m linking up today with Shell for Things I Can’t Say.
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Oh I love this! I came to the realization a while ago that I love blogging too much to turn it into work. I half-heartedly monetize my blog, but I know I’m never going to make a living off the seven bucks I make a month and for now, I’m really ok with that. Thanks for sharing!
MJ recently posted..On friendships.
At the end of the day, we have to blog because we love it. When we do, our authentic selves will shine!
Oh NJ. I have been there. Last week, in fact. Letting comparison steal my joy. It is a sad place.
I love your blinders idea. That is exactly what I need to do, too.
Tracie recently posted..Time To Unplug
Let’s have a go at it together Tracie! It is a sad place, but having a friend to lean on makes it a little less lonely.
I’m in! It definitely does make a difference to have a friend traveling with you. <3
Tracie recently posted..Umbrellas Are A Conspiracy And A Lie
I agree. I’m glad we can walk this world together Tracie! xo
Stealing my joy? Me! I get in my own way all the time. I try so hard to be perfect, I can’t finish anything. And the comparison thing — oh boy! I try not to be competitive, but I just can’t help it! If they can do it, why can’t I do it better? Such a self-destructive attitude. I’ve been blogging for about 3 years now and I have come to realize I’m not a business person. I’m a woman who just needs a place to get the racing thoughts out of my mind and share some of the crafts I’m working on. If someone else enjoys it, great. But mostly it just feels good to write. Thanks for sharing your story.
Lynda recently posted..Random Rants
I get in my own way too! I love that you’re a woman who needs to get the thoughts out. And that you feel good when you right. That is what blogging should be all about !
I love the honesty of this post. I do completely agree that the moment you start to compare yourself to anyone else, you feel less than. And this blogging pool is big enough for everyone to succeed. We try to remember that. But it can be hard.-Ashley
thedoseofreality recently posted..Would You Rather: Gorge Yourself Or Pass The Plate?
Thanks Ashley! You are right- the pool is big enough and there is room for everyone!
I have felt the same way. I struggle so hard sometimes with “what am I doing or going to do next” concerning my blog that I literally can’t focus on anything. I have finally started realizing that I can’t compare my blog to others. It is what it is and I do have goals and and endgame. But my journey toward that is different than anyone elses.
Visiting from Pour Your Heart Out
Anna Hettick recently posted..Letting Go of Perfect | Pour Your Heart Out
I’ve mapped out my goals for 2014 for the most part, I just need to keep focused on them. Everyone is different. We’ve all got different goals. But sometimes it is so hard not to compare myself to someone else! Thanks for stopping by today!
YES. SO much yes.
I was thinking about this recently. I totally get where you were and where you’re going with the blinders.
I hate when I get that envy and comparison feeling. Sometimes I wallow in a why not me? But I know it’s not the way to do it. And I feel you. I hear you. You’re you, I’m me, they’re them. We’re all worthy.
Thank you for sharing this. So very much.
Andrea B (@goodgirlgonered) recently posted..How do you blog?
Envy is comparison’s best friend. She really is. It is so easy to get distracted by someone else’s success. For me, I had to dig deep down to the real reasons why I blog. And it was there that I realized no one those reasons include the word success.
I try not to compare myself to others in the blogging world but it’s hard sometimes. I just know that for me, it can’t be a full time job and that makes it harder to make the big money. My kids are only going to be little for a second and I don’t want to work too much while they’re home. So I have to ignore those inner thoughts that make me feel inferior to others.
Allison B recently posted..Motherhood Isn’t a Competition
I tend to “work” in the leftover moments of my day. I usually am up around 4:45 or so and work until Malone gets up at 6:30. He goes to preschool in the afternoon, so I hop back on while the baby naps. Then in the evening, after the kids are asleep, I finish up whatever I didn’t get to. My husband is an introvert so after dinnertime, he really prefers to chill on his own and decompress from the day.
Way to go, my friend. Your journey is your own and only you know what success is for your blog. I love your words and the honesty here. Keep going!!
Sarah recently posted..When Your Weakness Becomes a Lifeline
Thank you Sarah!
The internet is by far the biggest time thief in my life. I desperately need to carve out time to write. I need those blinders less for comparison (although that is an issue), but more to combat distraction. Either that or I need to shut my laptop and start writing in a notebook.
Dana recently posted..I’m a Literary Junkie
I’ve had great success with a to do list and a timer. For some reason, having the clock ticking helps me stay on task!
Right now the biggest time thief I have is learning to blog 😉
Karen @TheMissingNiche.com recently posted..The Wall We Shared
It takes a bit of time to get the swing of things, but you’ll figure it out. Check out SITS http://www.thesitsgirls.com/. That is where I learned a lot of what I know today!
the internet is my downfall. In fact, I have taken a reprieve from the internet and have barely logged on this month. It is refreshing to not be attached to my phone or laptop lately to the point where I am considering giving up my phone for a simple flip phone. I hate feeling tethered to technology 🙁
anneliese recently posted..where we’ve been
If you give up your phone, I’ll miss you on Insta so much Anneliese! I know what you mean though, it is so hard to step away from things but it feels so great to unplug sometimes!
Oh yes, it happens to me ALL THE TIME. I allow myself a moment to take a deep breath, and remind myself that it’s no point comparing my beginning to someone else’s middle. There is a lot of room for all of us to do great things. But the greatest things we have to do? Is to live our lives first.
I love your horse analogy!
Alison recently posted..Existential Bummer
Great words Allison “no point comparing my beginning to someone else’s middle.” I think I’m going to write that and put it on my desk!
I think it happens to all bloggers at some point- we look at what someone else is getting and wonder why we don’t have the same thing. It doesn’t do any good to dwell on it, though.
Shell recently posted..Catching Fire Review: Movie vs Book
You’re right Shell, it does happen to most bloggers at some point. I think what is important is what happens next!
I went through this same thing not so long ago. I started thinking, “so and so has this many FB followers so I need to have them too.” And I went fishing for FB followers. And “so and so has a give a way. I need a give a way” so I signed up for one of those. Before I knew it I had 2 weeks of blog posts I hated, a bounce rate of 78%, and my Alexa score had dropped more than 50,000 places! Yipe! I realized I had lost my way. I stopped trying to be what others were and went back to doing what I loved and things started getting better again almost immediately. “Blogging with blinders on” is a perfect way to say it!
Elizabeth recently posted..What Are You Talking About?!
It is a total lose lose situation when that happens, isn’t it? When it happened to me, I got so side tracked that I couldn’t focus on anything. I was too busy running from place to place trying to catch up!
Ah, I too got caught up in that! Blogging had started to feel like work, work I wasn’t even enjoying anymore. I definitely have my blinders on now.
I’m glad you’ve got them on! It makes blogging so much more fun!
Soooo been there, especially recently. It gets competitive, it steals time, but really, we just let it. Then we’re not happy and can’t figure out why. I’ve taken a few steps back myself and try really hard not to let the journey that others are taking influence me. So I’m going to continue blogging like a horse wearing blinders as well!
Melissa @ Home on Deranged recently posted..5 ways to tell if you are the favorite parent in your house
I know you will wear them well, Melissa! You are right. It gets competitive and steals time because we let it happen. I think it is great you’ve taken a few steps back to reevaluate things!
You KNOW how I feel about you–that you are just fantastic and wonderfully made and you and your words INSPIRE. Keep up the good work, friend!
christie elkins recently posted..50 State Prayer Project: Eyes on Colorado.
Aw Christie! Thank you! I am so blessed to have you cheering for me!
I try to remind myself that we all have different lives outside of blogging. I can’t compare myself to someone who has years of experience over me or someone who blogs full time, when I don’t. There are far too many factors to take into account when comparing…and really, if all our blogs were exactly the same it would be boring.
Herchel S recently posted..Busting Boredom and Saving Christmas!
You are right, there are tons of factors that play into it!
Hi from your newest follower – found you on the Sorry, Not Sorry Social. I think I need to take your advice and start blogging like a horse with blinkers on too! I’ve only been going about a month and have just moved over to self hosted to try so I can make the site more like I want it to look, but already I am comparing myself to people who have been going years or are just fabulous bloggers!
Comparison is indeed the biggest thief of joy.
I am the queen of all procrastinators but my biggest time thief is list making. I convince myself it’s helping me to be more organised when in actual fact, if I spent more time actually doing and less time planning what I need to do, I might actually get somewhere.
Katie clark recently posted..Five Minute Friday: Fly
I am so glad you’re here, Katie! The work you put into your blog will pay off, if you are investing your time in the right places. It took a few months before I really understood what it meant to “blog smart.” Everyone starts somewhere. Make your goals and make sure everything you do is moving you towards one of those goals and you’ll end up just fine!
Thanks, for sharing that. I need to put some blinders on. I also, have my moments when I feel discouraged because I feel like my growth is a lot slower than others. So I will have to put on my blinders and enjoy the process of growing at my own pace.
Sonya recently posted..Pre-Black Friday Deals at H&M, $4.95 Pants Online
I’m glad this encouraged you, Sonya. I think you hit the nail on the head, celebrate YOUR growth at your pace. There is room for everyone at this blogging table!
Great post & analogy! I have come to realize that I blog because I need to write. I started my blog so that my children would one day have a record of what was in their mom’s head. May we keep in mind why we started blogging & keep at it. Our journey is our own & no two will ever look the same. So glad you wrote this & that I stopped by from the SITS this morning! Keep at it!
Joanne Viola recently posted..The Random Five – 11/23/13
I also have a blog because I NEED to write. And because I can type much faster than I can write on paper. I hope someday my kids find my blog and read my words!
Oh yes, comparison is in no way worth it! You are your own person, they are their own person–how can we ever expect to have the “same” achievements when we’re all different and have different circumstances? It’s a good thing to have joy in your own situation!
Rachel G recently posted..Long-Awaited Family Photos
All of these things are so true, but sometimes it still creeps in!
Holy moly! You have 42 comments on this page girl – I think you’ve struck a nerve! I know exactly what you’re feeling and I have to agree with you……ENOUGH with the comparisons! My kids are also little and while I would love a book deal or 5k hits each day, I’m not there yet. My content is solid and it’s what I believe in so I keep on trucking. You can do this! Persistence is key.
Jen recently posted..Stressgiving to Thanksgiving Week 4: Take it Easy on the Turkey
I love what you said here “my content is solid and its what I believe in so I keep on trucking.” PREACH girl. I think I’m going to write that down on a sticky note!
Very good points! It’s hard to concentrate if you’re always worried about what someone else has going on! Better to just enjoy the community and focus on what we need to get done!
Michelle recently posted..Giving Thanks {Ladies Only Blog Share}
I love this community, Michelle! Hopefully, I’m getting better at focusing! Sigh, soon my kids will be in school all day and I’ll have more time. But for now, they’re home and they have to come first!
Great post! You wonder why some people sky rocket to success while you continue to plod along trying to make headway. It’s hard not to compare yourself to others, but it’s also useless. (Unless you are doing it with education in mind and not to make yourself feet worse/better.) Keep blogging! 🙂
Nicole recently posted..Doctor Who 50th Anniversary (Giveaway)
It seems to be really random too sometimes, Nicole. My archives have some of the best stuff I’ve ever written, and it has been seen by very few people. I KNOW that if it caught the right audience, it would encourage a lot of folks. But for now, there it sits hidden away.
I absolutely love this blog post!
We all get distracted, don’t we?
My biggest time thief is picmonkey. I love designing logos and fixing my pictures and next think you know, I’ve been designing for hours.
Visiting from #sitssharefest
Keep it Touched,
KG
http://www.kgstyleinc.
KG recently posted..IT’S TIME TO FEED AMERICA…
Thank you! Oh.. picmonkey is favorite time waster of all time. If I’m not careful, I too could spend hours creating graphics and editing images. They just added some new features, which makes me giddy!
At some point I think all bloggers go through this! I also think its easy to go through this with life because of social media. I know when I get like this I have to take a step back and focus on what my goal is rather than what the goals of another bloggers is. Be happy with my own successes. I have been at this for a while but I will admit I just got really serious like the past two years and its been working better for me since I set my own goals. Just try to participate in as many link ups and groups that you can. Establish your goals then start working towards them, and don’t be afraid to reach out to other bloggers that you admire and ask them questions!!!
Carissa recently posted..Holiday Nail Polish Swap
Truly wise words. In fact, I have an entire list of questions I want to reach out to various bloggers about. It is mostly behind the scenes stuff since I’m finally on the Genesis framework. I just need to carve out time to do it! I’d love to be working full time on my blog, but I’m a full time mom who is home all day with her kids first. I have to steal time in the leftover moments of my day. Thank you for your encouraging words!
Truly, truly wise words NJ. I enjoy most aspects of blogging too, and then I realize that they things I don’t enjoy are things I did to myself and things I can easily do away with. This post really reminds me that I need to write down my purpose and focus and stick with that.
Rabia @TheLiebers recently posted..Five Minute Friday: Fly
Thank you Rabia! I think the more we are focused on what OUR goals are, the happier we’ll be as bloggers. After all, we took the time to dream about them and set them so why not hunker down and focus on meeting them?
Wow!!! I could have written this post myself. At least the first part able comparison. I have struggled with not being able to encourage and celebrate with others because I felt that met I was a ‘less than’ writer. Thank you for teaching me to put the blinders on.
Aw.. Amy. You are not “less” of anything. We’re blogging because our stories need to get out. I think encouragement takes practice. I know the more I do it, the easier and more natural it feels. And EVERYONE needs someone in their corner cheering for them, even the most famous writers.
For sure for me it’s perfectionism that steals my joy. I try so hard to be perfect that the perfect moments sometimes slip by me. Comparison does its bit too, if I look at many of my friends’ lives I feel like I am still living the life of a student while they all are adults!
Corlie recently posted..“Indigo here we go!”
Oh friend. I’m a recovering perfectionist. I spent a lot of my childhood as a gymnast and that sport is full of expectations of perfection. Now that I’m older, comparison is much harder to combat. Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle (I didn’t make that one up, but I don’t know who the original quote belongs to)!
Much like you shared, envy is the thief of my joy. However, in all areas of life I try to keep perspective. I’ve only been blogging for a few months, so my goal is to celebrate small victories and remind myself that hard work will get me where I want to be.
Emily @ Words I Wheel By recently posted..Finding a True Sense of Community Within a Community
I truly believe that if you work hard and work smart in blogging, you will meet your goals. It might take a little time, but intentional blogging will produce intentional growth!
I love this: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” How true.
I went through some of those things when I first starting blogging, too. It wasn’t long before I decided that if my blog doesn’t make me happy, it’s not worth it to blog. That’s where my focus is these days. Those other things just don’t worry me anymore.
Thanks for the thought question at the end. What do I allow to steal my joy? I’m going to ponder that.
Happy Sharefest.
misssrobin recently posted..Conversations with God About My Health
I’d love to know the answer to that question, so when you think of it please come back or find me on social media and let me know. Besides comparison, the other thing that steals my joy a lot is worry.
As a newbie blogger I can definitely say I have a few moments when I blog with blinders on. I am very hard on myself so over the years I’ve been learning to be more forgiving and not place so much pressure on myself. I enjoy blogging but have no intention on monetizing my blog at this time since I already have a career that I love and am excelling in. This was a supplementary activity that I’ve always been interested in engaging and my main goal for doing this was for the interaction, I just really wanted to meet other great people and make friends. So I always remind myself to realize that every blogger has different aspirations for their blog and mine will never align with anothers’ goals so like Bob Marley said: don’t worry, be happy. Have a great weekend NJ! -Iva
AwesomelyOZ recently posted..NaBloPoMo: The Post I Almost Didn’t Publish
Wow, you typed everything I was thinking! At this time, I am not concentrating on monetizing my blog. I started my blog as an outlet, a hobby, the interaction like you mentioned. Good to know that there are others that have similar feelings on their blogging careers.
Tiffany recently posted..Blog Hop Blitz Week #12
Yeah, making money isn’t the focus of this blog either, as you can tell. I think we all have a story to tell and if we’re true to our voices, it will likely find the right readers.
Finding your tribe and creating community is one of the best parts of blogging, for sure! So many people blog for so many different reasons and as long as you’re happy with what you’re doing that is really all that matters!
We are a new homeschooling family, as of this year. I have to have blinders on, while learning from, other homeschoolers. I don’t know when to take school breaks, I don’t know which Bible curriculum is best, I don’t know how far ahead to plan, I sure don’t have a homeschooling room (well, I do but we call it the kitchen), it is hard to learn and have blinders, but I have to or I will get really down on myself.
Charity recently posted..What I Can’t Have
Charity I’ve thought about homeschooling Malone in the past and it is so easy to get overwhelmed. It is also really easy to drop a ton of cash right off the bat to invest in supplies and curriculum. I think the beauty of homeschooling is that you have the freedom of flexibility. You can take a day off in the middle of the week from it or work through some lessons on the weekend. But you are right, that is also one area where you’d need blinders on, for sure!
[…] Why I’m Blogging Like a Horse with Blinders On from A Cookie Before Dinner: “I got caught up hard and fast in what others were up to, instead of focusing on what I was doing.” […]
Comparison can be so dangerous. And when we start doing it, it becomes easy to forget that we are all on different paths, with everything including blogging. It’s easy to feel less than when we compare and that can zap the fun out of anything. I am so glad you were able to admit these things to yourself and put those blinders on!
Ilene recently posted..Upside Down
You are right, it is so so dangerous! And once we get started, it is very easy to fall down the rabbit hole of doom. Blinders help, for sure!
[…] am working really hard to blog like a horse with blinders on so the time I do invest is really fruitful. I try to keep a running topic list bank for both blogs […]
LOVE the idea of this approach. I’m going to try and remember to put blinders on in a lot of areas of my life because you’re right – comparison robs happiness for sure. Glad to have found this post through Shell’s highlights.
Cheryl recently posted..FALLing in Love Friday: Powell’s
Thank you so much for coming over via Shell. It is a bit hard to do, but with a little practice I’m finding that my bloggy life is much more fruitful.
Awesome post NJ! This is so honest. We all tend to check out other bloggers site and feel inferior afterwards, which is not good. The goal to earn from our blog fast also often distract us from creating a blog that has the potential to earn too! New follower here 🙂 Have a nice Saturday!
tISHA recently posted..Autism Spectrum Disorder
I am so happy you’re here Tisha! I really think there is a balance to be find. On one hand, we have to keep focused on our goals. But on the other hand, blogging is all about building community. If you want your blog to be read, you have to read other blogs! I think the most important thing is that you don’t let someone else’s success make you feel inferior.
I have been there and done that too. Kudos to you for seeing that you were destructing yourself by comparing yourself to another, and then making a conscious decision to change your behavior. Now, go kick some butt with your blinders on!
I’m working on it Melissa, I really am! I’m finding that the more focused I am on my goals, the more of them I accomplish!
You wrote this on my birthday, I wish I had seen it then…it would have been the perfect birthday gift.
I’ve been suffering from what I thought was writer’s block but really it was pure distraction. Instead of sitting at my desk and writing while the kids napped (mine are also babies at 2.5 years and 7 months old) I was sitting on the couch binge watching “The West Wing” and “Call the Midwife” while I jumped back and forth between Facebook and Twitter. Today of all days I sat down at my desk and was able to pump out a post, do some reading, pay my bills, and finish some Christmas shopping.
I need to remind myself that success doesn’t just fall into anyone’s lap…you need to work for it. Refocusing is going to be one of my goals for the new year.
Thank you for talking openly about this.
Jennifer @ Also Known As…the Wife recently posted..The Best & Worst Christmas Movies
Love this. Love YOU! And so do sooo many others bloggers out there – 81 comments and counting! Hello?? NEVER let comparison side-track you. Your voice is far too important. And keeps many of us coming back for more. Go YOU!
Thanks Anne Marie! It is so important that we stay focused on what we are doing and not compare ourselves !
Thank you for this reminder to stay focused. It’s where my heart is…posting what he pours and letting the pressure GO. Amen and amen.
You are so very welcome. I’m glad this spoke to you and hope you are inspired to keep your focus!
[…] of my favorite posts of yours is Why I’m Blogging Like a Horse With Blinders On, which you posted three months ago. Are you still wearing them? It’s so hard not to compare […]
[…] I am working on not comparing my journey with anyone else’s. […]
I needed your words this week. Thank you. *puts blinders on*
Foxy Wine Pocket recently posted..Grandma-isms
Just discovered your post listed on a blog forum. So glad I clicked on it. You are so VERY, VERY right about being focused. I too had become a victim of blog comparing to the point of nearly being blog-paralyzed. A few months ago, I found an excellent resource about how to build a website and blog. That info and its accompanying forum finally got me out of the comparison ditch I had dug myself into. Discovering this post is just another confirmation about celebrating who you are, being focused and moving forward. Thanks for writing it!
The best thing to do is what you have noted – avoid comparison. In the beginnings of my blog I would wonder why some blogs rocketed in popularity and mine didn’t. As time went on, those blogs that quickly gained followers couldn’t sustain their theme or simply lost interest. They are long gone and I am still plugging along.
I always keep in mind that my blog is a platform for my many interests, if there are those that enjoy what I post about, all the better!
http://thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com
I love this a lot. That isn’t just because I’ve been the “horse girl” all of my life. It is easy to let comparison zap all of our zeal for blogging, but I’m here to tell you that you’re right every one of our journeys is different.
It’s easy to work hard on a blog when you don’t have little ones under your feet all the time. Our kids only grow up once so it’s important to give them our attention first.
Keep on your path with those blinders on and it will all work out the way it should. Provided you’re still being the “work” horse and not the “old nag grazin'”. 🙂
The good news is your not on this journey alone!! Us bloggers stick together!